do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
