funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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