More tranny stories later!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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