I think I am morally bankrupt
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
They took my balls.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
