Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
