my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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