I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
