Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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