it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
