No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
