i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
