I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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