Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
