We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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