Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
it hurts more in the daytime
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
