I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
