Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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