glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
