The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
