The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
