More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
