Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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