I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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