Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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