My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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