i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
