i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
