I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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