his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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