I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
