She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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