suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My dick has a subreddit
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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