Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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