I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
