Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
