her vagine was all disorganized.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
