in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
