Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
