hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
