At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
