I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
