the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
