i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
