can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Acid is not a monday night drug
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
