Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
