I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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