i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize