He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
