I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
