my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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