talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So here I am, sexting at work.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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