tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
