somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
