you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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