There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
