i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
