Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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