everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
please come you make the beer taste better
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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