So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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