The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
