In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
