why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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