my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
