I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize