Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
