ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
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