Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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